Are you sure that’s what you want?

So…here’s the deal. A buddy of mine recently told me his wife had informed him that, after nearly eleven years together, she’d decided his faults – the same faults he openly had when she met him, the same ones she said she found “absurd, intriguing, and interesting” – were too much for her. She said, according to my buddy, that she needed a break from them, from him. She went on to say that she’d thought about it and decided he should leave his home, kids, and everything that means anything to him (including her, I guess), go to their vacation home in St. Thomas, and see if they could work it out from there. As it turns out, they worked it out without his having to leave and now (supposedly) everything’s fine.

So here’s what I don’t get: Why is it that the guy always has to vacate the premises? Even when it’s the woman’s idea, the guy is supposed to leave. Instead, couldn’t my buddy have said, “Wow, honey, I had no idea; but, if that’s what you want, why don’t you find someplace to live – leave everything you value behind, risk a divorce attorney later being able to say you left the home and abandoned the children, sleep in a strange room and bed tonight, risk the children thinking you don’t love them enough to stay – and we’ll work it out…long distance. Oh…and while you’re hanging out in bars, having dinner by yourself, and sitting on the beach watching scantily clad women strut their stuff, don’t forget to stay true to me, okay?

It’s a fact: separations seldom work. They just keep everyone guessing, especially the kids (“When is daddy coming home, mommy?”) There’s little chance the “evicted” spouse is going to be in any mood to compromise upset, lonely, and (when they get settled and have time to think) pissed off.

I’m just saying…

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